With Love From Scarborough
by Londoncalling89
Summary: My long delayed Chelsie Honeymoon fic. Not sure exactly where this is going but hopefully some of you will join me for the ride. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello! Sorry for the long delay in writing. I'm going to try to get an update out once a week, be it to this fic or to one of my many (unfinished) others. Reviews are greatly appreciated and help keep me motivated! Much love!**

She was nervous. Probably more nervous than she had been before in her life. As she stood by the window looking out at the water she felt her insides tremble. As she had sat on the train earlier, her new husband sitting next to her, his posture perfect, she had thought back to the last time she'd felt this nervous. She had been on a train that time too, heading towards Downton. Away from her family, towards a new life, new opportunities. She never would have dreamed that a husband would be one of the things she had been traveling towards.

But here they were. In a hotel room. In Scarborough. Married.

And she was terrified.

She had told herself years ago that she would never marry. That she would be a spinster. At first it had been difficult. Watching the world of love pass around her, a flame she never dared to touch.

But now here it was.

Touch.

What an awkward sensation. One she had missed out on so much in her life. She wondered sometimes if she had forgotten how to touch people. She rarely saw her sister. The few times she had consoled her charges, with awkward arms around them and softly rubbing circles on their backs it had felt odd. Uncomfortable. Like a sensation that she wasn't allowed to be a part of.

And now here she was on her honeymoon.

They had kissed. Of course they had. But only a handful of times, and all extremely chaste. Mr. Carson had seen to that. He was such a proper man. She couldn't fault him in that regard.

Now she regretted sending Mrs. Patmore on her errand.

She didn't regret being married, not as such. She'd only been married a few hours, too soon to judge really. And she did care for Mr. Carson, in fact she cared for him a great deal. But somehow the knowledge that he wanted a…physical relationship no longer brought her comfort.

She had wondered what he expected, now she knew. And it unnerved her greatly.

She thought she was ready.

She had told herself she was.

An awkward, and brief conversation with Anna had ensured that she had all the proper information. Not that she didn't understand before, she had grown up on a farm. She knew the basic mechanics of such things.

But somehow the thought…the thought of bearing all to a husband was frightening. She was more frightened than she could ever recall being.

More frightened than when her mother had been screaming while in labor with Becky.

More frightened than the time William went off to war.

More frightened than the night she found Anna.

More frightened than when Mr. Carson had collapsed. Though that fright had been close. It had pulled on her heart a way she hadn't expected. For the next few weeks after she lay in bed at night, listening to the soft sounds of his snoring through the wall. Counting his breaths, a hand on her stomach trying to ascertain what exactly the clenching feeling she was experiencing was.

In retrospect it had only ever been love.

But love had been disguised then.

By duty.

By fear.

By propriety.

Such things didn't happen. They didn't happen in respectible houses like Downton. And they certainly didn't happen to Charles Carson and Elsie Hughes.

"Would you like to-" He stopped abruptly when he saw his new bride jump at the sound of his voice.

"Sorry, you gave me a fright." She mumbled.

"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to." He said, cautiously walking towards her. He noted she looked terrified, like a rabbit that had been caught in the gaze of a fox. Acutely aware of its own danger but too frightened to move.

"How is the view?" He asked, keeping some distance between them.

Surely, he thought to himself, she doesn't think I'd pounce upon her like an ogre. Though of course she had never met an ogre, she'd never been in this position before.

He had, though it pained him to admit it. He was once a shy young lad, in a dingy room, heavy with cheap perfume as a woman of the world undressed him and took him to bed. She had showed him the ways of the world. He'd walked home that night in a cloud of euphoria but by the next day it was gone. Replaced with a sense of shame and guilt. Charlie Grigg had told him it was alright. That he couldn't expect to marry a beautiful virgin and treat her right without…without knowing. The logic had seemed reasonable at the time. It now felt like the poorest of excuses for a pointless sin.

"Its very lovely here. Lord Grantham was very kind to secure us such a lovely room." Elsie replied, looking back to the waves again. Watching how they lapped against the shore. The steady rhythm giving her temporary comfort.

Something hung in the air.

They both felt it.

And they both ignored it.

"I should-"

"Would you-"

They laughed gently at each other. When neither of them spoke for a moment Mr. Carson attempted his question again.

"Would you like to go somewhere for dinner?" He asked, clasping his hands behind his back.

"I'd rather not tonight, I'm still so full from this morning. Unless of course you'd like to…" She said, realizing for the first time as a wedded woman that her partners needs should be considered as well.

"No, I'm fine. If we do get peckish Mrs. Patmore kindly packed us a hamper."

"She thinks of everything." She replied.

"Indeed she does."

The silence began again.

"Were you going to say something?" He asked.

"What?" She said, turning to look at him fully for the first time since he'd come to the window next to her. "Oh yes, I was just thinking I should go and wash some of the travel off of me."

He nodded to her and for a moment they simply stared at each other. Her vision became tunneled. All she saw was him. His proud chin, his soft lips, his kind eyes framed by greying eyebrows that belayed his age. She felt the urge to touch them. To gently run the pads of her thumbs over them, to rest her palms upon his cheeks.

The sound of a child laughing loudly interrupted them. The spell was broken and he turned towards the window with an annoyed look upon his face, his intention to scowl at whatever mischievous child had uttered such a loud noise. As he turned she push herself away from the window and went towards her case.

"I shouldn't be long. But perhaps if you'd like you could go for a walk down to the beach." She offered as she gently pulled items from her luggage, eager that he not see what she was handling.

When she looked back at him over her should she noticed his scowl was now directed at her, though quickly confusion was put in its place.

"I only meant you could enjoy the sea and I could join you shortly when I'm more presentable." She said.

"You've never looked lovelier or more presentable." He said without even thinking.

"That's very kind, but I can't go wearing my wedding dress down to the beach. It would be ruined and I'd be so sad if that were to happen."

"Of course, that is sensible. But…" he stumbled, unsure how to express himself in a way that wouldn't frighten her further. "I'd rather wait for you, and walk down together. It is our honeymoon, it would be…odd if we were to spend it apart."

"We shall be apart while I'm in the bath." She said much sterner than she had intended.

He looked at her dumb founded for a minute. His cheeks reddened at the implication but his mind wandered. Was she regretting this? Did she want some time away from him? They'd been together for the better part of the day, perhaps she needed time without him? Was this what marriage would be like, together yet separate?

"I didn't mean…" she stumbled, "I only meant that I would feel bad if you just sat around waiting for me. But if you'd like…I'd…I'd be very happy if we walked to the beach together. You know I would, I just…I don't want you to feel like you are simply waiting around-" She began to panic as she realized she was just blathering on.

"It just so happens that this morning I was distracted and forgot to read the paper. The clerk was kind enough to hand me a paper when we checked in, I shall give that a browse while you ready yourself. I doubt the quality will be as good as the papers we get at Downton but I assume any big national news should be covered in it accurately." He said posturing and making a show of pulling the paper from the table in which he'd placed it earlier.

She giggled at him, giving him a slight nod and heading into the bathroom alone. Once the door shut behind her, she let out a breath and tried to focus on remaining calm.

In the room Charles let out a breath he felt he'd been holding since they'd left Downton. Finding an empty chair in the corner he sat down and opened his paper. He wouldn't read it of course. He was far too nervous. Instead he made a slight show of reading it so that she wouldn't be alarmed when she emerged.

Though he assumed she would still be alarmed.

They both would be.

Something loomed in the air and they both felt it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you all for your lovely reviews! I'd forgotten how lovely it is to hear such kind words, it really does help keep one inspired to write. Enjoy the following chapter, there will be several more in this story. And of course please leave a review if you've a mind to, I adore them all!**

A short while later she emerged, feeling slightly refreshed. She had pushed her nerves down, at least for the moment. And whatever would come that evening, at the present she was looking forward to a walk to the beach.

She'd always loved the sea air, though she hadn't experienced as much of it in her life as she'd wished. When she was young she had dreamed of running away and becoming a pirate. On the farm she would chase the chickens around with a wooden sword her father had carved for her. It wasn't until her school years when her dream was dashed by Billy McAllister telling her in no uncertain terms that girls couldn't be pirates. He told her later she could always be a sea wench, though she didn't understand what exactly that was, she knew she didn't like the word wench and would never oblige that being her title.

Somehow her dreams of adventures on the high seas had transformed and she'd landed at Downton. And now she had an adventure to face, one she truly had never expected.

When she came out, after what seemed an age Charles eagerly stood. Perhaps too eagerly in retrospect. He'd been thinking about his wife, his new blushing bride and found himself becoming more and more distracted. A nice walk would certainly help calm his nerves but his mind kept jumping back to improper things. Things he didn't think a husband ought to think about.

At least a new husband, with such a virginal bride before him.

Things like her lips.

The softness of her skin.

The way her breasts pushed against the rigid fabric of her corset.

"Shall we go for that walk?" She asked, gathering her coat, she paused when she noted him standing and looking determinedly at the floor. "Only it'll be getting dark soon."

"Of course." He replied, he then reached out and took her coat from her arms, without hesitation she turned around and allowed him to help her. Once the coat was on he rested his hands on her shoulders for just a moment longer than was needed. She shivered at the sensation.

He felt clammy. This wouldn't do.

This wouldn't do at all.

"I wonder…" he began, trailing off when she turned to look at him. She waited a moment for him to continue.

"What is it you wonder Charles?" She asked, smiling slightly, trying to set him at ease. Perhaps, she reasoned, if he was at ease she might also be able to relax.

"I just wondered, if perhaps…I could…kiss you. Once we step outside this room it certainly wouldn't be proper-"

"Of course."

"-and it occurred to me, we've only kissed twice since we've been married and well…sorry…what did you say-" He stumbled.

"I said of course." She responded again, stifling a giggle. As nervous as she was, she was beginning to realize the extend of her new husbands nerves as well.

He smiled at her then, paused for a moment to control himself. He repeated in his mind that he was not an animal and that his Mrs. Hughes deserved the utmost respect a husband could show. With that thought fresh in his mind he leaned forward slightly and pressed his lips to hers in a chaste but sweet kiss.

They both lingered in the kiss. Without thought her hand came up and took hold of his muscled bicep as his fingers gently trailed down to her waist. An age went by, their lips almost resting peacefully against each others. Elsie felt his lips begin to smile and pulled back to examine the look of delight on her husbands face.

Perhaps she could do this.

Perhaps she could make him happy.

Perhaps her body could make him happy, despite what her mind kept telling her.

They walked down the pier arm in arm. Charles kept reminding himself not to struck like a peacock, but how could he not, with such a woman on his arm.

For her part Elsie kept becoming distracted by the sound of the ocean, the waves crashing again and again on the empty beach. Everyone once in a while she would be roused from her distraction by some off handed comment her new husband made softly in her ear.

She couldn't help but smile as she looked at him. He looked so happy. He nodded to passersby and looked in every window display, commenting on which ones they ought to visit the following day.

As the day light dwindled away the lights above the pier were turned on and a bright yellow glow came upon them.

The piercing light seemed to change the mood between them in an instant. Night was upon them.

It was their wedding night. It wouldn't do to be walking along the pier for all hours.

"Should we go back?" He asked, not a small amount of trepidation in his voice.

"Yes, I think so." She said without looking at him. Suddenly the point where their arms were linked felt heavy. Fear began to swell in her breast again.

They walked back in silence. Elsie's face focused on the path she was walking. She dared not look out at the sea. The desire to run to it, to hide in the dark waters was overwhelming her.

She was so torn. She loved her husband. Truly she did, and she had for many years though that had been unbeknownst to the both of them for so long.

It was perhaps the love of him that was causing her fear. She could think of nothing worse in the world than being a disappointment to him. While he had postured and proclaimed that she was all he needed, that she could never be a disappointment to him, she knew the truth. He was a man. A man in want of pleasure. The pleasures that the marriage bed would hopefully bring. But what if that marriage bed failed them? What if the pleasures that he desired, and if she were truthful with herself, that she desired as well were not to be found? How could she go forth being a good wife if, in one of the most fundamental aspects of marriage she failed him.

He noticed her steps getting smaller as they got closer to the inn. He began to worry that at some point she might turn and run from him. Certainly he felt nerves as well, but they were nothing compared to the fear that seemed to be radiating from his wife. He felt distress at the thought. That she was so scared of him, of it.

Once the inn came into sight her steps got even smaller and her pace decreased to the point where a passerby might mistake it for being completely stopped. Charles, feared that they would be derailed before they began could take no more.

"Elsie," he said stopping and turning towards him.

"I'm sorry Charles-" She began, her eyes focused on the buttons of his jacket.

"No, Elsie. Nothing has to happen. I need you to know that." He said, rather sternly.

"What?" She said, daring to look up to his face, hoping to see some guidance in it.

"Nothing…tonight nothing has to happen. We can go into that inn, dress in our nightclothes and simply go to sleep. I'm telling you here and now that nothing has to happen tonight." He said, slightly more relaxed this time.

"But its our wedding night."

"Yes, it's the night of our wedding but Elsie. I don't…I don't want you to be unhappy or…pressured. This night, it only has the value we assign it. Yes it's the first night we will share a bed but that can be all we share. I don't mind. All that matters to me is that you are comfortable."

She looked up at his sincere expression and felt her heart soften.

"I'm not uncomfortable with the idea-" she began.

"But you aren't comfortable with it either." He finished.

"No, I suppose not exactly. Its not that I'll never…want to…well you know…its just, somehow tonight-"

"Then its off the table." He said simply.

"What?" She asked incredulously.

"We shall take it off the table. We decide here and now that tonight…we wont. We will just go inside, have a bite from that basket Mrs. Patmore made us and go to sleep. Though I do hope I may be allowed to kiss you goodnight." He said.

"Of course you can kiss me goodnight, I should like that very much." She replied, her heart full of love.

"Good, then lets go inside. Its cold out here and I would very much like to get my kiss." He said, his smile radiating across his face. He began to pull them both along towards the hotel again.

"I love you Charlie. I know I haven't said it much, but I do." She said simply as they walked up the stairs of the inn.

"And I love you too Elsie. And I always shall." He said opening the door and ushering her inside.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I am floored by all the wonderful reviews! Thank you all so much, they mean a great deal to me and have really helped spur me on. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Once again, since I'm a bit of a broken records, please so leave a note if you enjoy this latest offering, they are so wonderful to receive!**

Surprisingly, once they were inside Elsie didn't feel as anxious as she had before. The idea of taking any marital intimacies off the table had relieved her a great deal. Without that looming above her head she tried to focus on enjoying a nice evening, especially as she was far away from any servants bells or dining catastrophes.

"Are you hungry?" Charles asked.

"Yes, I am, amazingly. I feel I've eaten more food today then I have ever before. I should be wary of the beach, someone might mistake me for an escaped sea creature." She said giggling to herself.

"Tosh, you look lovely. The only thing anyone would mistake you for is a beautiful mermaid who'd magically grown legs." He said pulling the hamper out and making a show of setting the table.

"You do say the sweetest things sometimes." She replied.

"Mrs. Hughes-sorry Mrs. Carson, would you mind terribly if I removed my jacket. Its rather warm in here."

"Of course not!" She said hurriedly, she hadn't even noticed really that he was still wearing it. "You must be boiling, perhaps I should open a window?"

He only nodded then quickly removed his heavy tweed jacket.

"Do you think-" Elsie began as she opened the window next to the bed, a fresh breeze instantly cooling the bedroom.

"Yes?" Charles responded.

"Do you think we ought to start calling each other by our Christian names? We are married after all."

"Before God and friends." He mused.

"Hm?"

"Sorry, just a silly thought that keeps running around my head. But yes, you are right, we ought to. Would you prefer to call me Charles or Charlie?" He asked, pulling out a partial bottle of wine that had also been packed by Mrs. Patmore, he scrutinized the label before relenting and pouring the wine.

"Which do you prefer?" She asked, coming to stand next to him, glancing at the wide array of food they had been provided.

"Um…I don't know really. My mum used to call me Charlie, especially when I was running around the house, getting under her skirts, I used to run up behind her, tap her on one side and once she'd turned to reprimand me I'd dash to the other side of her and get a swipe of whatever it was she had in her mixing bowl. She caught on eventually but every once in a while she'd still fall for it."

"That's a lovely memory." Elsie commented, placing her hand atop his where it lay on the top of the basket absently.

"But most of my life people have called me Charles. It served better in a professional capacity. No one respects a butler called Charlie."

"Well you aren't my butler, you are my husband." She said pointidly, taking a small plate and filling it. "And if you are agreeable I'd like to call you Charlie. I rather like the idea of my mischievous husband." She said smiling brightly.

"Then Charlie it is." He said, getting himself a plate of food.

Once they had selected their nourishment they both glanced around the room perplexed. There really wasn't anywhere to sit. There was a single chair in the corner which was currently the resting place for her handbag and his hat. They could sit upon the bed but both looked uncomfortable at the idea. Charles stepped around for a moment, trying to ascertain if the floor was big enough for them to sit upon, or even clean enough.

"I suppose, we ought to sit on the bed." Elsie commented shyly.

"Yes…um…" he muttered awkwardly. "That…um…is really the only…option." He said stiffly. He wasn't exactly prepared to share that exact space with his wife just yet. It seemed a step too far, though he knew how ridiculous that sounded.

"Don't worry Charlie, I don't bite." She said sitting down on the edge. He gave a slight laugh and sat down on the bed as well, a good amount of space between them just to be safe.

He knew he wouldn't do anything improper, he was hardly going to jump on top of her. But he figured it would be best to minimize the temptation, and besides even if he knew he wouldn't do it, thinking about it would be just as much a distraction.

And he wanted to savor every moment of this time together.

He wanted to be in the present, not drifting into the imaginary.

"And what would you like me to call you?" Charles asked after a few moments.

"Elsie I suppose." She replied.

"Just Elsie, you haven't any childhood nicknames you'd like me to use?" He asked jovially.

"No." She said quickly.

"Come now, your parents must have had a nickname for you growing up."

"Of course they did, but its something I'd rather not have revived, thank you very much."

"Then tell me, and I'll promise never to use it." He said, his curiousity truly piqued now.

"You promise?"

"I promise on the hallowed halls of Downton Abbey." He responded, hand in air.

"I cant ask for anything more I suppose, well…when I was little I loved to swim and jump and run. One day I saw a little frog in one of the fields, far from the closest pond. Without even thinking I followed him as he hopped home, eventually I started hopping along with him, finding it to be great fun. My father followed me of course, to make sure I didn't fall into the pond. By the time the little frog got back into the water my father was crying with laughter. From then on he called me Froggy. Mind you, only he called me that. My mother and sister never did. It was reserved for just us two, our little joke between us."

Elsie looked up at Charles expecting to see him laughing at her, but all she saw was a wide smile across his face.

"That," he said pointedly, "is a lovely story."

"You can see why I didn't want to say at first, why I don't want to be called that. Its not…its not that I don't care for you Charlie, I do…a great deal. But there is something about a father and daughter, something precious-"

"I understand." He said nodding at her.

They went back to their feast, exchanging occasional shy glances as they ate. When both plates were empty Charles got up, taking the plate from his wife and depositing them on the little table. He took the two wine glasses he had filled earlier and handed one to her.

He stayed standing and looked sweetly down at his bride.

"I know I've already made my speech for the day and it would be greedy to ask to give another but, I would like to say this. What I said before, I am truly the luckiest and happiest of men today my darling Elsie. I have long dreamed of having love, of loving someone and knowing that I am loved. It was a dream I thought would never come true. But by some miracle it has and I am so grateful. I…well today I made vows…vows I never expected I would get to make. But along with those vows, I want to make you a promise here and now. That I will love you, with all my heart until the last breath leaves my body." He said, surprised by his own depth of emotion.

Elsie stood up then and placed her wine glass back on the table, without a sip being taken. She stepped towards her husband, her Charlie and placed her hands gently on his chest.

"Oh Charlie-" she began but was cut off by his lips pressing upon hers.

Her nails dug into his chest as the power of his kiss overwhelmed her.

He was startled by the passion he felt coursing from her lips and pulled back slightly. Leaning over he put his wine glass on the table as well. Gently he set his hands on her waist.

"We've taken…you know…off the table, but may I kiss you again?" He asked, trying to control the tremor in his fingers as they rested on the soft cotton of her dress.

"Yes, but you must promise to kiss me like that." She said, attempting to be both bold and flirtatious though she doubted her powers to be either.

He smiled and leaned down capturing her lips with slightly more force.

Her fingers again clutched at his chest as his lips opened slightly, hers responded in kind and before she could understand it his tongue gently touched her own.

She let out a whimper then.

Charles was startled by the noise and attempted to break the kiss only to have Elsie push herself forward in an attempt to follow his lips. He smiled then, understanding the reasoning behind the whimper.

Eventually they needed air and broke apart. Elsie stood in shock, she'd never kissed a man like that and the desire that such kisses brought felt unnatural and all consuming.

"Perhaps, we ought to sit again, least we lose our balance." Charles offered sitting on the edge of the bed.

Elsie looked warily at him.

It felt like they were dancing with fire again.

Kissing like that.

On a bed of all places.

She suddenly understood how young women could get themselves into trouble. Looking into the beautiful eyes of their beloved, offering them the world in a kiss. What girl wouldn't succumb to that?

"Its only a kiss Elsie." Charles said, holding his hand out to her.

She hesitated, then reached out and took his hand.

She knew she might regret it.

She knew it might lead to something she wasn't ready for.

But she also knew that this was Charlie.

And he loved her.

And there could only ever be joy in the embrace of one who loved you so much.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I am completely floored by all the wonderful reviews. They are lovely and truly help keep me motivated. This is another chapter for you all to enjoy, it isn't M but the next chapter will likely be or at least very very strong T. Enjoy! And of course, as always please leave a review if you fancy!**

A short while later Elsie realized she was no longer sitting up, and was instead lying down with her back on the mattress. She attempted to decipher when exactly the transition had occurred but her attempts at coherent thought were muddled by her husbands lips upon her neck.

She'd never kissed anyone like this before.

She'd never experienced these sensations before.

But they were agreeable.

Enjoyable even.

Her mind wondered briefly if Charles had ever kissed someone like this.

She didn't want to know.

She didn't want to think about it.

But the thought was pushed from her mind as Charles lips returned to hers and his tongue again began to stroke hers in a most pleasing manner.

He was leaning above her, their chests pressed very lightly together. One hand gently stroked up and down her waist, never venturing any higher or lower. His other hand had reached across her to take her hand, their fingers entwined, pulsating in a way their bodies longed to.

She noted, in her brief moments of thought that he was purposefully keeping the lower half of their bodies separate.

Though he might have been making that effort, she felt her lower belly tingling, she felt a pulsating of nerves, and could only think of pulling his body closer to hers.

Without warning his lips were gone from hers, she looked up at him in shock for a moment. Her face flushed, her lips were swollen and red from their activity, an activity which her lips were completely unfamiliar with.

His cheeks were flushed, a soft lock of hair had fallen onto his forehead and she resisted the urge to wrap the wayward curl around her finger.

He rolled away from her and onto his back.

For a few minutes neither said a word, just lay side-by-side looking up at the off white ceiling in their room. The only sound about them was the sound of their breaths slowly coming back to normal.

"That was-" she began finally.

"I'm sorry Elsie-" he began to murmur.

Both stayed silent for a moment, willing the other to speak first.

Elsie turned her head to Charles, looking at his profile in the harsh yellow lights of the rooms' lamps. He felt her gaze on him but couldn't bring himself to look at her. He needed to relax, he needed to calm his body or else he'd shame himself in front of her and God.

"Please don't apologize Charlie." She said finally.

"I don't want you to think I'm an animal." He said, still not looking at her.

"I don't think that, I never would."

"I can control myself, its just…I suppose I've waited so long." He said.

She turned back and looked up at the ceiling again.

There it was.

He'd been waiting.

He'd been patient.

He deserved to get what he wanted.

But she was still frightened.

"The kisses were lovely Charlie…but…I'm still…uncertain-"

"We took it off the table, remember?" He said, a bit too quickly for her liking.

"I know what we said, but, well it's all fine and good to be sensible when you're walking around in public, but it's rather a different story when you're in bed with your newly wedded spouse." She said briskly.

"Can you tell me why at least?" Charles asked, turning to look at her now. Noticing how her hair had come undone slightly, much like his own. It looked lovely to him, framing her face with her soft brown locks.

"Why what?" she asked, feeling his gaze upon her, unable to return it. Part of her wondered if, now they were married, they would ever be able to look at each other in the eye again. Certainly she'd never be able to look at Anna again after the pre-wedding conversation they had had about marital relations.

"I'm not trying to pressure you, and truly, it's off the table for tonight. But can you tell me why the idea of…being intimate with me is so scary for you." He said, genuinely wanting to understand.

"I don't want to disappoint you…" she muttered.

At that Charles sat up in frustration. Anger began to fill him. She lay on the bed still shocked; one hand flew up to her chest at his sudden and abrupt outburst.

"Damnit Elsie! I'm so tired of hearing you say that." He said, trying to calm himself down. He turned around to look at her, he noted the shocked look on her face and tried even harder to calm himself.

"I've told you a half dozen times at least that you could never disappoint me. I don't know how else to say this Elsie. I love you. I will never, ever be disappointed. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me love you less or think less of you. I feel…" he trailed off, unsure how to continue. Unsure how his wedding night had gotten so off track. "I feel like a horrible husband, that you would think me so fickle. That, though I've said it time and time again you still don't believe me. Its like I've failed at marriage before we've even begun." He said turning away from her again he put his head in his hands, exhausted by the surge of powerful emotions going through him.

She lay in shock for a moment. Processing his words. Seeing the hurt radiating off of his normally proud shoulders. She sat up then, awkwardly negotiating herself to a position sitting next to him on the bed, though keeping a distance between them.

"It's a sorry excuse-" She began.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped like that, you have every right-"

"No, Charlie, let me say this." She said firmly.

He took his face from his hands and looked up at her. Gently she took his hands in hers, took a deep breath and began.

"That was unfair to you. To say that. And you are right, you have said many times that you love me, and that you would never be disappointed by me and truly that has brought me comfort. I wasn't…I wasn't being truthful with you just now because…well…I didn't want to be truthful with myself. My fear…my reluctance…it isn't because of a fear of disappointing you." She paused then and squeezed his hands, trying to reassure them both.

"Today in church I gave my soul to you before God. I signed a legal document signing myself to you in the eyes of the law as well. I'm…I'm an independent woman Charlie. Its something that I have always prided myself on-"

"I don't intend-" He began.

"Please don't interrupt, not yet. I've prided myself on being able to survive on my own. It's not a life most women would choose, in fact very few do choose it. Somehow that always made it feel more precious to me. I sacrificed a lot to attain the position I have at Downton Abbey, to be the person I am. I've grown rather fond of her, but now. My love, with you it seems I'm flying in the face of all the things that I rallied myself against for so long. One cannot be an old maid and a married woman in one. While both positions are honorable, I…I never expected to be a bride…a wife. I find today…I am overwhelmed. In one short day I have gone from being my own keeper to being completely at your mercy. And I know…you would never be unkind or cruel but it is a change. One I had never considered. By law I'm now your property, all I have is yours, I promised to love and obey you. All my agency, all my personal autonomy has been given up. And I know…I know you don't see it like that. But that is how it feels. I know you have also promised to love and care for me but…well its different for women, whether it should be or not is not a discussion I wish to have at present but there it is. And somehow…intimacy, marital intimacy feels like something…oh Lord Charlie how do I say this?" She trailed off, thinking to herself.

He sat in disbelief, trying to absorb every word she was speaking.

"It feels like," she began finally, "the only thing I can control now is my body. It is the only thing I still have within my possession alone, and once I give it to you, I can never have it back fully."

"I see." He said softly, looking from her face to where their hands were.

"I don't say this to be cruel, and I do want to…you know…eventually. But right now…I need to have something to hold onto, just for now."

"I understand Elsie…or at least, I think I do. And you will always have something to hold onto, and that's me. Forever now."

She smiled at that. Warmth for her husband filling her again. Love for him overwhelming her heart.

"I do so love you Charlie." She said proudly.

"And I love you Elsie." He said looking at her, looking into the gentle eyes of his beloved.

Of course now he felt unsure, he understood what she was saying. He respected it, a great deal. While in his mind there were equals he knew that by law and by society they weren't and it hurt him to think of it.

Unsure of what to do, he simply continued to hold her hand.

It took Elsie a few minutes to realize that he was purposefully not making any moves. She burst with love for him then and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

"Thank you Charlie. No woman has had a husband as lovely as you." She said.

"You can't possibly know that." He said, putting on a fake air of disapproval.

"Oh, I can my love."

They sat like that then, beside each other on the end of the bed. Hands linked together, looking off at the walls of the hotel room surrounding them. Both unsure what to do next. Charles felt exhaustion begin to take hold of him but Elsie felt alert, wide awake with the adrenaline of her confession.

Tenderly she extricated her hands from his.

"I suppose we should get ready for bed." He said finally, though not actually moving to do so.

Elsie took a deep breath and reached for his hand, which rested between them on the bed.

When Charles would reflect on this moment later, it seemed to him that it all happened in slow motion, or in some kind of magical dreamland. But indeed it did happen, it was reality.

Elsie took his hand, brought it up and rested it against her breast, leaving her own hand atop his for a moment to encourage him.

To signal to him that his touch there was wanted.

It was desired.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! This is quickly turning into my most reviewed piece and I'm loving that! I am sorry that this chapter has not gotten into the M realm, but it is slowly but surely heading that direction. Please hold on until we get there, I promise it will be worth it. Please continue to review if you enjoy, they make my day!**

They sat like that for a while. The only sounds in the room were their breaths steadily speeding up. At some point Elsie had lowered her hand and now it lay on her knee, while his large hand still covered the softness of her breast.

It was the most intimate touch she had ever experienced.

It was the most intimate touch he had ever experienced as well.

It was cautious, yet bold.

Bold on her part.

Cautious on his.

He didn't want to push her.

Didn't want to pressure her.

But she'd put his hand there.

She had made all the moves.

His mind raced as he felt the soft cotton of her dress. She wasn't wearing a corset.

Of that he was certain.

He'd noticed, over the past few months, that she was wearing her corset less and less.

Though her shape remained, albeit softer to him.

Much softer.

And still incredibly appeasing.

He assumed she was wearing a brassiere.

He'd accidently stumbled upon the ladies section in his catalogue a few weeks ago, certainly without meaning to. It had fallen off of his desk and when he righted the booklet it had flipped to a most unsavory page. Yet, with his impending nuptials on his mind, he found he couldn't turn away from what was shown. Strange looking garments covered in cream lace, his mind went a bit mad at the thought.

And now his hand was closer to one then he had ever dared dream.

He tried to control his mind but all that went through it was that beneath his hand was a layer of cotton.

Beneath the layer of cotton was a layer of lace.

Beneath the layer of lace was flesh.

Soft flesh.

Warm flesh.

The flesh of his wife.

After a time he felt something gently pressing against his palm. Very gently, in fact a lesser man wouldn't have even noticed it. For a moment he wondered what it could be.

He inhaled a sharp breath when he realized what it was and quickly pulled his hand away.

Elsie was taken aback by his sudden movement.

"Charlie-" she asked.

"I'm sorry. Its fine. Everything is fine. If you will excuse me for a moment." He said stumbling towards the bathroom. Quickly shutting the door behind him.

He leaned heavily against the porcelain sink, trying to catch his breath. To control all the feelings inside of him.

He wouldn't attack Elsie. He wasn't an animal, though at present he certainly felt like one.

He felt like a man on fire. And he needed to cool off before he could be in the company of his wife again.

Celibacy had never been particularly difficult for him but now he realized that he'd rather chew off his own leg then spend a night without touching her flesh.

In the bedroom Elsie felt a sense of panic brewing inside her. She'd stepped too far. She knew she'd stepped too far but…but…she'd wanted to give him something. A promise, perhaps, that someday, at some point they could truly become one. She wanted him to have some part of her and truly it hadn't felt bad. It had been rather enjoyable in fact.

He'd sat there for quite some time before suddenly jumping up and leaving the room. She contemplated that as she went to the dresser and retrieved her nightdress. It was getting late. They'd both been up for hours and clearly the exhaustion was beginning to show.

She just hoped she hadn't made a mess of everything.

She returned to her position at the end of the bed, sitting patiently waiting for Charles to come out of the bathroom.

Five minutes passed and no Charles.

Then ten minutes.

Then fifteen. She was beginning to worry.

Perhaps she really had made a mess of everything.

Perhaps he was in there trying to find a way to tell her he wanted out.

That he didn't like marriage. That he didn't like her. That it was over.

She tried to fight tears as these poisonous thoughts invaded her mind.

But no, Charles had told her plainly, many, many times that he loved her. That she was the only woman for him and that he would love her until his dying breath.

Wiping her eyes she determined to get to the bottom of this.

She knocked sharply on the door and awaited a reply. When none came she knocked again, beginning to grow concerned. Was he hurt on the other side? Had he had another attack like that dreadful night so many years ago?

"Charlie, is everything alright?" she asked.

"Yes, I'm fine." He replied, to which she breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"Are you planning on coming out tonight?" she asked, trying to lighten the tension between them.

"Yes. I just need a moment." He said, his breathing almost back to normal.

"I'm sorry Charlie. Truly I am…it…it was too far. I promise I wont-" she began but the door flung open before she could continue.

"Please don't apologize, I've had more than enough of that tonight. I…it wasn't…unpleasant but…well…I am a gentleman, and I'm trying to remain a gentleman and I…I just needed a moment to sort myself out." He replied, trying to sound sincere. Trying to dance around fully explaining the reason for his needed respite.

He looked down and noticed the nightdress in her arms. He felt a bit disappointed. He knew she was right, it was late and they really ought to get to sleep.

But it was his wedding day, and even though they had elected not to have a traditional wedding night he was still loath to see the day end.

Elsie noticed him eying her nightdress with some signs of disappointment.

"If we don't rest Charlie," she chided gently, "then we shall be too tired to explore Scarborough tomorrow and we've only a short honeymoon. We ought to enjoy all the sights before we have to return to Downton."

"You are correct, of course as you usually are. Would you like to use the facilities first and I shall prepare for bed after?"

"That would be very kind." She said, pushing past him and into the bathroom to prepare herself.

He'd heard tales that women took an age to prepare for anything, so he found himself pleasantly surprised when his wife emerged from the bathroom a very short while later all prepared for bed. He should have known his Elsie wouldn't be like most of the frivolous young things that the papers wrote about. Practical and efficient. That was his wife, and he was all the prouder for it.

When she came out he felt his control slipping again. She was in a pale cream gown. And while it covered all of her from her toes to her neck it was soft and alluring. He'd seen her before in her nightwear, in the various times they had been called to duty late at night but he'd never seen her in this state. She seemed both vulnerable and ethereal.

"Your turn." She said, shaking him from his thoughts.

"Of course. I'll just be a moment." He said before awkwardly stumbling towards the bathroom.

True to his word he came out a short time later, only to find Elsie standing at the foot of the bed looking confused.

"Oh," he said, a bit taken aback. "I assumed you'd already be in bed by the time I came out."

"I had intended to be, but something occurred to me." She said, chewing gently on her lower lip in concentration.

"Yes?" He asked stepping very near her, gazing at the bed himself wondering what had caused her to become so concerned.

"Its just…I suppose it sounds silly but which side of the bed would you prefer?" She asked.

"Oh, I suppose I hadn't thought of that." He said, his mind suddenly racing with the implications. He liked to sleep on his left side, which meant he could either sleep facing her or facing the wall. Would she be uncomfortable if he slept facing her all night, or would she be offended by it? Would it matter if they were asleep? What if he snored? If he was turned towards her all night he'd be snoring right in her ear, and if they snuggled close together in the night when he awoke she might become aware of his…well of a certain part of him that seemed more alert in the mornings. It wouldn't do to frighten her, not this early in the marriage.

"Which side would you prefer Elsie?" He asked, deciding to defer the matter to her.

"I don't really know. I've never been in a bed big enough for there to be an option." She said, mystified. She usually slept curled up on her right side, in her mind she wondered how that would work when sharing a bed with him. Would she have room to spread out the way she liked? If she slept facing him all night then he would be subject to the her horrid breath come morning. But if she slept away from would he be offended? Sometimes in the night she turned over very restlessly, what if she accidently hit him. As her mind raced, she began to consider just sleeping in the chair in the corner of the room. She'd done it before those times he had been very ill, though he certainly wouldn't remember.

"Well, the way I see it," Charles began, "there are only two options. We can try one tonight, if we don't like it we can try another tomorrow night. Its not like we have to commit to just one…configuration in the bed."

"I suppose that's true." Though the double meaning of his statement passed through both their minds quietly.

Deciding he was tired of the awkwardness he took off his robe and walked around one side of the bed. She hesitated for a moment before following suit and walking to the other side of the bed.

Together they pulled at the sheets and awkwardly got underneath them.

Elsie plumped her pillows a bit as she lay back, while Charles had to adjust to accomidate his large stature.

After a few minutes of rustling they settled down on their backs looking up at the ceiling. This wasn't the first time they had been in this position but this time it felt different.

Something about it felt right. Like they were where they ought to be.

Charles turned to his wife and smiled.

"Goodnight Elsie." He said, leaning across her and giving her a gentle and quick kiss.

"Goodnight Charlie." She replied, as she reached over and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

For some it would have been a simple thing, a tiny step. But for them it was a giant leap in their pathway to being a happily married couple. And both were grateful for it.

Elsie couldn't recall falling asleep. It had seemed like it took forever for her mind to finally turn off, but thinking on it later she couldn't recall exactly how long she had laid listening to him breathing softly before she had succumbed to sleep.

But now she felt the distinct pang of a bladder that would not wait until morning to be appeased. She looked around the room, it was in complete darkness. She could hardly see her hand before her face. Awkwardly she climbed out of bed, careful not to wake her husband and made her way to the bathroom.

She felt along the furniture towards the bathroom door, her mind still clouded in sleep, her body feeling tired and worn. It was at this time of night when she truly felt her age. When she felt all the youth drained from her and the pull of old bones and old organs begrudgingly soldiering on.

When she finally reached the bathroom she noticed the door slightly ajar. She thought nothing of it as she opened the door and switched on the light.

It took a second before her eyes adjusted to the bright yellow that filled the room.

She gasped as the haze in her mind instantly lifted as she looked at the naked bottom of her husband, peaking out between the bottom of his pajama shirt and the trousers which had been pulled down just slightly. He looked behind him in horror, fully aware that his wife could plainly see a very exposed area of his backside. Suddenly the call of his bladder seemed irrelevant as a shocked Elsie quickly fled from the bathroom.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, please do forgive me. I wrote myself into a pickle and wasn't exactly sure how to get out. I think this is an acceptable solution, this is the last chapter before this fic moves from T to M. Fair warning. Please enjoy and as per usual I adore all the wonderful reviews and would love it if any of you feel inclined to comment on this chapter**

 **A/N part 2: Hopefully this will fix the weird formatting decided to add on!**

Elsie stood nervously outside the bathroom door pacing. She'd considered getting back under the covers and trying to pretend she'd gone back to sleep. But two things stopped her. The first, he'd know she wasn't asleep, no one could get back to sleep that fast after such an embarrassing encounter, and second her bladder simply wouldn't let her. The downfalls of being an older bride, she thought to herself wistfully.

It wasn't long before she heard the sink running and the tell tale sounds of hands furiously being washed. When the water turned off there was a slight pause, presumably as he dried his hands, though she found herself holding her breath. How mortifying would this moment be?

Perhaps she had thought right before, perhaps now they were married they would never make eye contact again. Certainly she couldn't imagine facing him after seeing…his…his…bottom.

She shuttered at the thought.

Not that it wasn't a nice bottom, certainly it was a very lovely bottom, what she had seen of it at any rate.

And she did realize that at some point in there marriage she would see it. And he would see hers.

But not at this point.

Not so soon.

Not before they'd…well before they'd consummated their marriage. It all seemed out of order.

She built herself up into such a tizzy that she hardly noticed when he stepped out of the bathroom.

He stood before her in his pajamas, face bright red with embarrassment, ringing his hands together as he looked down at her, looking for some sort of sign as to what he should say or do.

"Elsie…" he began cautiously. She looked up at him quickly and then proceeded to step around him and into the bathroom, shutting the door firmly behind her.

They both heard the click as she flicked the lock.

Then silence.

Charles looked at the bathroom door for a while, then with a start realized the likely cause of her need of the bathroom and quickly stepped away from the door.

He waited for what seemed like an age but little sound came from the direction of the bathroom.

Finally, unsure of himself, he climbed back into bed, though he remained sitting straight up. It seemed odd, perhaps even callous to just go back to sleep. What if…what if she wanted to discuss what had happened.

What she had seen.

Gods he was mortified at the thought.

Happy blooming wedding night, he thought to himself ruefully. Nothing had gone to plan.

Not that he had exactly had plans.

He'd had ideas about what he wanted the night to be.

And this certainly wasn't it.

He didn't wish to push his bride but he had…had thoughts. Desires about what might transpire between them. He only hoped this latest episode wouldn't cause a further postponement of their conjugal bliss. At least hopefully it would be bliss. He certainly knew it would be bliss on his end. But women were harder to please; at least that is what he'd always been told.

That's what the little book Dr. Clarkson had given him two weeks ago had said. Not that he had read the book, at least not all of it, just enough to get the general idea of what married life would be like.

The cheek of Dr. Clarkson!

Oh Gods, he thought to himself, don't think about the word cheek!

Elsie emerged finally, the light from the open bathroom door illuminating the bed slightly, enough that Elsie could tell Charles was awake, and sitting up in bed.

She pulled the cord and the room plunged back into darkness and Elsie returned to her place in bed beside her husband. This time adopting a similar position as him, sitting up erect, unsure of what to say.

"Are you alright?" Charles asked finally after a time, unsure still of what to say exactly.

"Yes, fine." Elsie replied.

Silence.

"Yourself?" She asked, finding the silence was making her more uneasy.

"Um…yes." He replied, slightly confused.

Silence again.

"I'm sorry-" they both began at the same moment.

"I should have knocked." Elsie then said hastily.

"No, I should have turned the light on. Then it would have been obvious I was…utilizing…the room." He said, struggling for the right words.

"Why didn't you?" She asked before she could consider the question.

"Um…habit I suppose."

"Habit?" She asked confused.

"Yes, well, you see, back at Downton the bathroom is right across the hall from Thomas's room." Charles said.

Elsie looked at him curiously for a moment, still not understanding.

"If I turn the light on he wakes up. And since his room is right next to mine, if I awake him with the light I am then obliged to listen to him toss and turn for up to three quarters of an hour trying to get back to sleep. Elsie, I swear, the man tosses like a ship upon rough seas. Every other minute, rustling, flopping around, the legs of the bed scrapping against the floor, drives me absolutely mad!"

"If it bothers you so why don't you just move Thomas to another room?" Elsie asked, exasperated by what seemed like such a trivial thing.

"I cant let him know he bothers me. That's always been my plan of attack with that troublemaker. He cant know he gets under my skin, I cant admit defeat." He said sternly.

"Poppycock. You're just stubborn." She said folding her arms across herself.

"Alert the papers!" Charles replied sarcastically, folding his arms likewise across his chest.

Elsie began to laugh then. Like she hadn't laughed in weeks.

It had seemed her sense of humor had been tempered by her concerns about her nuptials.

But now they were wed.

And in bed together.

And the things she so loved about him were shinning through.

It felt like them again.

"I don't find it that funny!" Charles stated finally, put out by her laughter.

"Oh…Charlie!" She cried between giggles, "I don't mean to laugh."

"Hmpf." He responded, lying back against he pillows and shuffling down the bed. If she was just going to laugh at his problems he'd go back to sleep.

"Charlie." She said softly, her laughter dissipating as she felt his body move down into the bed.

Without a thought she leaned across him and gave him a quick peck against the lips.

He was shocked by her sudden kiss. He hadn't been expecting it. Not in the least.

She hadn't really been expecting it either. It was just natural. Her natural reaction to sooth him.

She leaned down and kissed him again. This time leaving her lips against his for a few seconds more than before.

"I suppose I ought to forgive you for laughing." Charles said as he leaned up a bit and captured her lips again.

His hand slid up to her neck to hold her face close to his.

He'd never kissed a woman from this position before and found it difficult.

After a few moments of trying to kiss at such an angle, he pulled himself up a bit and naturally she lay back against the pillows.

She wasn't sure how they were suddenly back to their much earlier position of him above her, kissing her furiously.

But she did know one thing.

She didn't want it to stop.

Her hands came about to the sides of his face, holding him against her trembling lips. Her fingers playing in his hair. His hands, which previously had been cautious and calm were now liberated in their partially slumbered state, and stroked up and down her back as their kisses became more passionate.

Without warning she lurched her body into his, her hips rolling against his pelvis in a manner both found incredibly appealing.

As their hips began to rub together Charles felt his control slipping. Certainly Elsie was being bold.

Much bolder than he would have ever have expected.

One hand left her back and trailed downwards, resting lightly on her bottom, enjoying the movement of the lower part of her body grinding softly against his.

His lips left hers and began to kiss there way down her neck.

She softly began to moan and Charles was instantly erect.

And instantly shocked.

He pulled back quickly, lifting his hands from her body. Trying to push their pelvis's apart.

"Elsie…I think…" he said, panting heavily with the exertion.

"Don't think-" she replied pushing herself back into his embrace, capturing his lips again, her tongue darting inside his mouth to gently stroke his own.

He pulled back from the kiss, determined to air his thoughts.

"Elsie, we need to stop."

"Why?" she asked, a hand on her chest trying to calm her too fast beating heart.

"Because if we don't now, I can't promise that I will be able to. We made a decision, we won't rush but…this is becoming dangerous." He said.

"I don't want to stop." She said plainly.

"We must."

"No we mustn't."

"We took this off the table for tonight. What about all you said about not being ready, about trying to hold onto your body-" he replied hastily.

"I feel different now."

"I don't want you to regret-"

"Charlie," she interrupted, "I could never regret this. Us. Being together in such a manner, is not something I could ever regret, be it tonight or ten years from now."

"I don't want to rush you-"

"And you haven't."

"What has changed? A few hours ago you were steadfast and now…" he asked, completely puzzled by the situation.

"Being here, with you. In bed, laughing together, talking like we normally do. It feels right. In a way it didn't hours ago. All day today I've felt a bit like someone else. I'm never the center of attention, never the focus of the party. It made me feel off kilter somehow but now here, I feel like me again. And I want to be an us. I want to be joined together, like only man and wife can be." She responded, gently placing her hand on his where it lay between them.

"Unless of course," she continued, " you don't want to-"

"No!" He quickly interrupted with a bit too much enthusiasm.

"I just want to be certain," he continued, "that you are sure."

"I am sure." She replied gently squeezing his hand.

His heart began to beat faster again. His fingers were tingling and the sensation in his groin was becoming most distracting.

"I love you Charlie, and I want to make love." She said plainly.

"I love you too Elsie." He replied, deciding that he would reciprocate the second part of her declaration with actions instead of words.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I have come to the realization that I dislike writing M stuff. It just feels awkward and uncomfortable to me. That's not to say that I haven't, this chapter is fully M. This story probably wont feature another chapter like this so please enjoy. And as usual please leave a review and let me know what you think!**

It was awkward. There was no other way she could describe it, lovely but awkward.

She'd never felt so out of control of her own body.

Or as incredibly pleased by her own body.

It was incredible.

But awkward.

It seemed they continued to kiss for an age. Elsie began to worry that, though she had made it clear she was ready, perhaps he wasn't.

He leaned over her gently, kissing her lips, her neck. Hands trembling on the sides of her body, trying to be slow, to be gentle. But it was difficult.

In his mind he tried to gauge how slow he was going, was the pace okay? Was she comfortable? Should he move things forward? Was she relaxed enough? Was she aroused enough?

He knew very few things about the female body, but one thing Dr. Clarkson had told him, in no uncertain terms, was that he must make sure her body was ready.

Ready to accept his. The thought made him shiver.

"Are you cold?" She asked, as his lips trailed down her neck and her hands gently rubbed circles on his back.

He pulled his lips reluctantly away from her, looking down at her again.

She was so beautiful, he thought to himself.

"Um…no…" he answered unsure.

"Oh…I only wondered…" she replied, looking in his eyes for some sort of clue.

Perhaps there was something she was meant to be doing.

She had no idea.

All she could think was words she heard her grandmother whisper to a local farm girl on her wedding day, _lay back and think of Scotland._

She giggled at that.

Charles eyebrow arched at that, what on earth could she be giggling about at a time like this?

"I'm sorry, I was just thinking of something silly." She said trying to reassure him.

"Am I silly?" He asked, feeling a bit hurt.

"No, of course not darling." She said reaching out to gently stroke the side of his face. "I'm only thinking of silly advice I overheard once, about…well…this sort of thing." She said, reaching up to give him a gentle kiss.

"I'm a bit nervous." He admitted.

"We both are. Perhaps…we ought to crack on with it. We'll only get more nervous." She said, deciding a bold step might be needed.

He looked down at her for a moment and she began to blush.

What a change of events, she thought to herself, earlier today she was terrified of intimacy, nearly working herself into hysteria and now here she was fairly begging her husband to…to…

She wondered who this bold bride was.

He looked down at her, his eyes settling on her soft red lips, which were now swollen from kissing. The usually pale skin around her lips was slightly red, his beard must be coming in, he thought to himself, and scratching her lovely skin.

He felt his nerves continue to grow.

He didn't want to hurt her.

Certainly her skin looked a bit tender to him, and he was mad at himself for not shaving before bed. He briefly considered running to the bathroom and shaving quickly but then Elsie let out a yawn.

It wasn't a big yawn.

A tiny little thing.

But she stretched her arms out and with that pushed her breasts up.

Suddenly the hardened points of her nipples were pressed tight against the fabric of her nightdress and Charles was resolved.

He sat up slightly and began to undo the buttons of his pajama top.

Elsie smiled at this.

It was happening.

Progress wasn't usually his forte but not it seemed he was determined.

After he removed his shirt he leaned over her, trying to figure out exactly how to align their bodies.

Elsie looked down at the tangle of limbs between them and pushed her legs open slightly. She wasn't exactly sure why she did so, but it seemed the natural thing to do. She understood the mechanics of it all, now was just the test of her body taking control away from her mind.

Charles looked down at her slightly parted thighs, inhibited by the cotton of her nightgown.

With tender hands he pushed the fabric up slightly.

He looked up to see she was holding her breath at the movement and he tried to not think about how soft her skin felt under his hands.

As his hands began to tremble he pushed the fabric up further until it was halfway up her thighs. He didn't think he could push it much further without exposing her fully.

And while she had made it clear she wished to be intimate, he worried that being completely bare to each other, at least at this moment might have been a step too far.

Feeling the moment had arrived Charles awkwardly moved to lay between her thighs.

Jt was awkward for her, the feeling of another persons body atop her own.

Not unpleasant exactly.

Just strange.

But then he was kissing her again and the passion between them felt electric.

His kisses now were greedy and full of need.

The embers of their passions had now fully lit and a fire was grown inside both of them. And it needed to be fed.

Elsie's hands began to run up and down his back, drifting lower and lower with each movement.

Feeling confident and lusty Charles reached up and placed his palm over her breast.

He'd never felt more aroused and was instantly hard. He smiled a bit to himself, prideful that he could still act like such an impassioned young man.

He squeezed her breast gently, enjoy the weight of the soft orb in his palm. Enjoying the moans coming from his bride as she began to grind her hips against his.

Oh this wouldn't do.

Such noises.

Such movements.

From such a heavenly creature as his good wife was bound to push Charles over the edge long before either would be ready.

"Charles," she cried out, feeling her body losing control.

He pulled back from kissing her collar bone and nodded.

He leaned back far enough, pulled his trousers down and the last barrier was gone.

She cried at first.

She hadn't meant to.

But it was painful.

Not that Charles wasn't doing his best.

He was clearly holding back, moving slowly. She looked up to see his eyes tightly shut and his brow furrowed. He was clearly trying to concentrate.

And so was she.

She was trying to concentrate on the good feelings. On what was nice. But it was painful.

She felt like her body was being stretched far past what it could take. She tried to brush the tears away from her eyes but found her hands were firmly on his back. Nails digging into the soft skin of his shoulder blades and she wondered if she was leaving a mark.

He was slowly increasing his speed and the pain was beginning to peak. Something must be wrong, she thought to herself. They must be doing something wrong. It wasn't supposed to feel like this. It wasn't supposed to burn and sting like this.

She was just about ready to tell him to stop, to get off her and leave her be when a throbbing began in her lower belly.

As it picked up momentum the pain began to ebb away. What had felt like a sting before felt much better now, a million times better. The throbbing was building, like an orchestra building slowly to an earth shattering crescendo.

She didn't know what was happening but suddenly she wanted it to continue.

Her hips began moving, completely of their own accord. She was completely out of control but it felt marvelous. It felt primal and raw in a way she had never felt before.

Charles previously steady rhythm was beginning to falter. He began to speed up as she softly called his name, her hips grinding against his.

She felt like she was chasing him, every time she pulled back her hips lurched towards his. She didn't want to break the contact, she wanted him to be as close to her as physically possible.

Without warning the damn that had been building within her burst and she cried out, trembling all over. Her arms became jelly and fell from their positions behind his back. Her head was thrown back as the glorious sensations spread across her.

It took her sometime to notice that Charles had stopped moving. That his face was in the pillow next to hers, his breath fast and hard next to her ear.

His entire body rested on hers, bellies pressed tight together as they both fought for breath.

He was still buried deep within her and God she felt whole.

In a way she never had before. In a way she hoped she would feel again.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thank you for all your kind words and support of my awkward attempt at writing some 'M' I've been so encouraged by your positive comments that I will try it again in this story but not just yet. Instead enjoy some happy honeymoon chatting. And as always please leave a review if you've a moment. Thanks!**

Charles Carson tried desperately to bring his breathing under control. He felt awash with emotion, not only the sheer pleasure of being with his wife in such an intimate way for the first time but the reality of how far his life had come was overwhelming. He felt tears building in his eyes and tried desperately to blink them away. Sweat was slowly running down his back, his wife was gently trailing the tips of her fingers along his back. He knew he needed to move, and soon. It wasn't fair to his bride to fall asleep a top her. He worried if he did he'd awake the next morning with a pancake beneath him and not his glorious bride.

Summoning all the strength he could he pushed himself up and rolled over.

Elsie felt the weight of her husband leave her body, her eyes still closed savoring the sensations of being so tightly connected with another person.

But once his body had left hers she felt strange. Her body was slick with sweat, there was an unusual sensation from a certain area of her body and she felt the overwhelming need for sleep.

But her mind was racing.

Racing with what they had just done.

A soft smile played about her lips.

So this is what its like, she thought to herself, the secrets of the universe. That one act that pulled men and women close together.

She was now well and truly his. And he was hers. They were one.

And it felt wonderful.

She looked over at Charles to see a silly grin on his face. Clearly he was feeling similarly.

Her heart lept when she saw a little tear emerge from the corner of his eye.

"Are you alright Charlie?" She asked, her voice hoarse. She blushed, thinking why her voice was so hoarse.

"Yes…just…overwhelmed…delighted mind, very happy. You see…I never…I never thought I'd have a wife. I never thought I'd know what love is."

"Oh darling." She said, rolling over and stroking his face, the beginnings of his whiskers prickling her palm.

"I love you so much, you'll never be without love again Charlie." She said, and pressed a gentle kiss to his face.

The movement made her realize how much she needed the bathroom. Gingerly she climbed out of bed and walked towards it.

"Elsie?" she heard him say from the bed.

"I'll just be a moment." She replied.

A short while later she emerged feeling refreshed and slightly confused. She was embarrassed to admit that at her age many things about her body were still a mystery, and making love to her husband hadn't solved all of them.

She noticed he was still awake when she got back into bed. Laying down next to him she turned to face him.

"Can I ask you something Elsie?" he said.

She nodded her reply, trying to suppress a yawn.

"Now feel free to say no, I certainly don't want to cause you any discomfort or anything but…would you mind terribly if I held you while we slept."

"Held me?" she asked, slightly unsure of what he meant.

"Yes, only I've been thinking about it a great deal. How nice it might be to hold you at night."

"Of course you can hold me. Charlie, you are my husband now, in every sense. You can hold me whenever you like." She stated, adjusting in the bed until she laid her head on her shoulder.

One of his large arms came around her, the other reached across his body to take her hand, their fingers entwining on his belly.

"I never knew I could love anyone the way I love you." He said simply.

"Oh Charlie…I don't know what to say to that, except I love you too." Elsie said, pressing a kiss to the flesh of his chest, the only part of him she could reach in that position.

After a short while they both fell into a blissful sleep.

As Elsie began to awaken the next morning she immediately knew something was different. For one she wasn't in her bed; which at first was a shock to her until she remembered the events of the past twenty-four hours.

She then noticed that she had turned onto her side at some point in the night and nestled up behind her was her husband. His body was tight against hers, his arm slung over her waist, his breath tickling the hair on the back of her head. She reached a hand down and rubbed his gently where it lay on the bed.

Then she felt something she was unsure of.

Something hard, pressing into her bottom. At first she wondered if something had fallen in their bed, her hairbrush maybe but she couldn't think of anything else that could be creating the particular sensation she was feeling. Then she realized the only thing it could be was him…his…well…it.

Blushing she got out of bed quickly, trying to disturb him as little as possible but finding that very difficult. Without the warm weight of his wife in his arms Charles quickly started to rouse from his sleep. When finally he did open his eyes he saw his wife standing next to the bed looking very worried.

"Good morning Elsie." He said trying to clear the sleep from his eyes.

"Good morning." She replied, feeling very awkward indeed.

"Why don't you get back into bed, we don't have any reason to be up yet." He said, making room for her next to him.

"Its getting late Charlie, we should go down to breakfast before its over." She argued, hoping to appeal to his frugal side.

"Oh, well I had rather hoped we might spend the day here…together…in bed." He said, sitting up a bit now. Thinking his plans of making love to his wife all day might be falling apart.

"Oh goodness, we cant…not…during the day…that sort of thing, well its only supposed to happen at night." She said.

"Says who?" He replied, a bit annoyed.

"I don't know…everyone."

"No one says that because it isn't true…there are no rules about a couple can-"

"I am getting dressed and going down to breakfast with or without you. I'm hungry Charlie and I was hoping to see the boardwalk during daylight hours." She said turning and walking to her case to prepare herself for the day.

"Alright, I suppose it would look odd on our honeymoon if I spent the day in bed alone and you were out walking the streets all day." He said shuffling out of bed. Luckily he was distracted with dressing and didn't notice his wife cocking her eyebrows at his comment.

A short while later Elsie and Charles sat across from each other in a nearly empty hotel restaurant. Clearly the majority of the guests had already arrived and gone leaving them as the last of the morning. Elsie rather liked being the only couple in the dining room, she didn't have to feel like all eyes would be on them.

"You seem to be enjoying your breakfast." Elsie commented as she watched Charles devouring his eggs benedict.

"Ah yes well, its my favorite breakfast dish and its been years since I've had it." He replied.

"Your favorite? I always thought a full English was your breakfast of choice, at least that's always what Mrs. Patmore makes you for special occasions."

"I do enjoy a good full English but eggs benedict has always been my favorite. When I was on the stage in London I used to go to a little pub every Sunday morning after church and have it, at least when the money was good." He said sipping tea between bites.

"You ought to ask Mrs. Patmore to make it for you then."

"Well funny you should say that. The old cook Mrs. Stillfield tried to teach Mrs. Patmore to make it, again and again, we must have had a solid week of burned muffins, over cooked eggs and horrible sauce before Mrs. Patmore finally gave it up. It's the only dish to my knowledge that she cant cook. The last time she tried to make it was about, oh maybe eight years ago, you were away visiting your sister I think. We were all so excited, I'd been looking forward to that breakfast for at least a month, assuming she'd been practicing or gotten some tips or something. Well breakfast comes, I race downstairs, take my seat and she puts a plate in front of me and I nearly died."

"Why?" Elsie asked eagerly, finishing the last of her tea.

"It was brown."

"What was brown?"

"The hollandaise sauce."

"But…its not supposed to be brown, is it?"

"No it most certainly isn't."

"Oh no!" Elsie said, laughing aloud.

"She was so proud." He said, beginning to laugh himself as he recalled it all.

"What did you do?" she asked.

"I ate it," he said pausing to laugh, "and it was the worst breakfast I'd ever had. I spent the rest of the morning in my office trying not to be sick."

Elsie covered her mouth with her napkin as she laughed whole heartedly at the story.

Finishing the last bite of his meal Charles reached across the table and took Elsie's had in his. She smiled at him, squeezing his hand, trying to dry the tears from her eyes.

"How do you think they're getting on without us?" Charles asked finally, switching the topic slightly.

"I suppose the house is running fine, they would phone if there were any troubles. I'm more worried about our cottage."

"Our cottage?" he asked, it having slipped his mind entirely that when they returned they would be moving into their own cottage.

"Well yes, Anna said they would coordinate moving everything from our rooms into the cottage. I'm a bit worried, what if they leave something behind or break something?" Elsie asked, the concern evident on her face.

"I'm sure they will take extra care. None of them want to be in our bad books." Charles said trying to reassure her.

"And of course they will be putting everything away, but of course I'll have to go through it all again and re-do it. What if they put all my clothes on one side of the dresser and yours on the other and it isn't right?"

"I'm sure it will be fine, and if it is a real mess we will just take a half day together and sort it all." He said.

She smiled at him then, trying to relax a little. She'd always dreamed of having her own home, it seemed a shame someone else would be setting it all up for her.

"Elsie," Charles said, his voice sounding incredibly serious.

"Yes?" She replied, sensing his concern.

"If they are moving all of our things, including our clothes…does that mean…does that mean someone will be handling my underpants?"


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Apologies for such a short chapter but I wanted to get something out. I promise the next one will be much longer. Please review if you have a moment. Thanks!**

"Charlie, I cant imagine they will take all your other possessions out of your room but leave your pants behind."

"But…the thought of someone else touching my pants…" he trailed off, the idea thoroughly disgusting him.

"And how exactly do you think they get washed? Do you think the laundry fairy comes and magically does all your intimate washing…or heaven forbid mending."

"Mending?" he asked in shock.

"Yes, mending. I can assure you over the years you have wore a fair few holes into your garments and do you know who does the mending?" she asked, finding the conversation absurd.

"Who?" he asked, horrified at the potential answer.

"A maid."

"No!"

"Yes! We can't afford to send everything out for repair, so some lowly maid usually does the patching for all the staff."

"You mean Anna or Madge have been mending my undershorts all this time?" He asked, beginning to feel queasy at the idea.

"Well not exactly."

"Elsie, what are you hiding from me?" he asked.

"I hadn't ever intended on telling you but…well…I'd never planned on marrying you either. For the entire time I've known you you've purchased the same brand of undershorts." She began.

"Yes, Williamsons, I find them most comfortable."

"Well-"

"Can I also point out for a moment that we are sitting hear eating breakfast discussing my…unmentionables." He said, lowering his voice for the last word.

"There is no one else about, we'd have less privacy in our room. May I continue?"

He nodded in reply, worried at what was coming next.

"While they might be the most comfortable they are poorly made. Those first few years I worked as head housemaid I was always have to restitch them and mend them. Honestly sometimes I wondered what you did to destroy them so quickly, well finally I got the idea that…oh goodness now this is embarrassing."

"For you or for me?" He asked, eager to hear the rest of the story and feeling decidedly uncomfortable sitting there in said garment.

"For me mainly I suppose. Well whenever you bought a new pair, as soon as they came to the laundry for the first time I re-stitched them."

"Re-stitched them?" he asked surprised.

"Yes, I would go over every seam sometimes twice. It seems to have worked, I hardly ever have to mend them now. I will tell you right now, for no other reason than to put your mind at rest, I am the only one who mends your clothes. Even Anna is too nervous, afraid that any slight mistake might result in the downfall of Downton Abbey."

"You're teasing me now." He said with a grumble.

"With that last bit perhaps."

Charles leaned back in his chair and processed the new information. It was amazing to him, after all these years she had been doing this kind thing for him and he'd never known. He wondered what else she had been doing without his knowledge. Little things to make his life better.

"Are you angry?" she asked after a time sitting in awkward silence.

"No! Of course not, I was just thinking how wonderful it is to have someone do such a thing for me. Without me even knowing. Such a kind gesture." He replied, still a bit taken aback by the revelation.

"It seems I've been loving you for a very long time." She replied without even really thinking about her comment.

He gave pause then. Looking over at her. The years they had spent together flashing through his mind like a wildfire. He hadn't really thought of it before. Hadn't really let himself consider when exactly it was he fell in love with her. He knew he had, at some point along the way but it had felt...taboo almost, to try to look back at all the little moments throughout their many years together and try to find where exactly it had started. If he did that, he'd have to face the fact that he had wasted so much time. And with that would come the regret, the visions of what could have been. Down that path there could be no happiness. But now he sat contemplating it. Thinking of her in her sitting room stitching his shorts, mending his cuffs, little things that built into something bigger. A connection, a trust and care.

He did it too of course. Little things to look after her. Whenever she went up to bed before him he would sneak into her sitting room and make sure she had enough ink for her pens, make sure that there was enough firewood for her fire. That no bulbs had burned out. He'd once even dusted a few photographs above her desk that had been sorely neglected over the years. She never knew about it, if she did she had never mentioned it. Had never let on.

Even in their honeymoon he had been acutely aware of showing her kindness, of abiding her wishes. Bending his will to suit her comfort. Not all men would have been like that but for him...well it had never occurred to him to do otherwise.

"Charlie?" She asked, concerned by the odd expression on his face. "You're away with the fairies."

"Sorry darling, I was just thinking." He said. She couldn't help but smile at the endearment, he'd never called her darling before. She rather found she liked it

"And what have you been thinking that has you looking so...consumed?"

"I was just trying to figure out how long I've been loving you. Year I suppose in one sense but also not in another. Sorry, my mind is just...its strange isnt it. We've been beside each other for so long, standing tall and proper, greeting heads of state and noblemen."

"Standing at attention together, stock still, arms at our sides, its been a very long time."

"I wanted to hold you hand. Its silly really but...for so long now I've had this urge to hold your hand. When talking to Church, when greeting guests. I'm not even sure when it started, and now I think of it, I cant recall a time when I didn't."

"You never told me that." She asked, shocked by the turn the conversation had taken once again.

"No point really, was there. We couldn't do anything about it. No point longing for what you cant have."

"But you did, at the seaside, do you remember?"

"I remember it like yesterday, I remember thinking how soft your hands were. I remember thinking, this feels right, this is the way it should be."

"And yet, still so much time between then and now, why?" She asked, reaching across the table to take his hand where it lay beside his empty plate.

"I suppose I was being a coward." He replied, gently stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. Reveling in the warmth radiating from her touch.

"Never." She replied, squeezing his hand.

"Charlie?" she asked, saddened by the forlorn look on his face.

"Hm?" he replied, starring at their hands on the table.

"Take me to bed."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: This is the bit where I beg forgiveness for my absence and promise to do better. And beg for reviews which mean so much to me.**

Rarely in his life had Charles Carson found himself giggling, in fact he couldn't recall giggling at all in the past twenty years as his wife pulled him down the hallway towards their bridal suite, their bridal bed.

Somehow now he couldn't stop himself from giggling.

Giggling as she stumbled over her skirts in her haste.

Giggling as her thumb rubbed his hand in tender circles as she pulled him behind her.

Giggling as his hands tickled her waist as she fumbled getting the key in the lock.

The giggling stopped however when they tumbled into their room, ready to pounce upon one another only to find two chamber maids giggling themselves.

It was a sudden stalemate as Charles and Elsie stood motionless by the door. The two maids quickly donned faces of neutrality as they explained they had just come to change the linens and were almost done.

Charles felt his face flush.

"Um…my wife…she has a headache." He said, as awkward way of explanation.

Elsie turned sharply to look at him, unsure what had prompted him to tell a lie. Surely it didn't matter to the maids why they were returning to their room. It was none of their concern.

"Of course sir." One of the maids said turning from the couple to deposit the last of the linens upon their trolley.

"All finished." The other maid declared with a smile. As the two filed past the couple Elsie saw a slight smirk from one of them.

Charles and Elsie both looked down into the trolley as it passed and to their mutual horror they noticed a white sheet with a subtle stain of blood.

Once the door was closed the two pulled away from each other to opposite ends of the room.

The silence was almost unbearable. The lust that Elsie had suddenly felt at the breakfast table was gone and replaced by another emotion. One she didn't fully know. It felt as though she was on the cusp of knocking her husband about the head or smothering him in kisses and was torn as to which to concede to.

"Why on earth…" She began but trailed off.

"Why was there-" He began just as she finished.

"Charlie, why did you tell them I had a headache?" She asked.

"Well…I…I suppose I wanted to give them some explanation as to why we were returning to our room."

"And what business-" She began.

"Why was there blood?" He asked, gravely concerned.

"What?" she replied.

"We both saw it, there was blood on the sheets. I asked if you were okay, are you hurt?" He asked, his voice plagued with guilt.

"Charlie…" she began, unsure how to explain without causing them both embarrassment. "I'm not hurt. Its…it's a common enough thing for women-"

"Dr. Clarkson didn't warn me about that, that every time we…well…we…that you could bleed after." He said in utter horror. How could he have not known? As his mind began plotting how much it would cost them to get their own private linens laundered, or replaced if need be, he didn't notice the look on his brides face.

"It doesn't happen every time, just…the first time." She said, looking at the floor.

"Oh well….that's a relief then." He said feeling at ease again then it hit him. "Oh God!" he shouted, horrified.

"What?!" Elsie exclaimed rushing to his side at the sudden outburst.

"Does that mean…they know?" He asked.

"What are you shouting about?" Elsie asked, getting frustrated with her husband.

"Do those maids know then that…that last night was…what it was?"

"What does it matter if they do?" she asked.

"It matters."

"Why?"

"I cant believe this. We need to find a new hotel. Lord Grantham was kind enough to find us this but I have plenty of money in savings, we can find a bank. They have banks in Scarborough right? I'll withdraw a small amount and we can find another hotel. But what will his lordship think if he finds out?"

"Charles Carson we are not changing hotels!" Elsie shouted, hands firmly on her hips. "You are being utterly ridiculous Charles, it doesn't matter what those maids think. We've done nothing wrong, nothing at all."

"But…" Charles said meekly.

"Unless that is…do you…do you think we've done something wrong?" She asked, suddenly feeling her heart drop into her stomach.

"I…I…" he began, unsure what to say.

They stood in silence, Elsie getting angrier, as Charles struggled to find the words. The right words. He knew she was upset but couldn't she see his point? She knew what maids were like, before the end of the afternoon every employee of the hotel would know that they were newly married, that they'd been virgins. Or at least that she had been. It was too much. They had no right to know as much about them as they did now. He needed to get Elsie out of there. To protect her from the wagging of idle tongues.

"Get out." Elsie finally said.

"What?" Charles asked in shock.

"Get out now."

"And go where?" he asked.

"If we were back at Downton I would suggest your pantry however at this moment I don't particularly care where you go, I just want you to go now."

"Elsie, don't be ridiculous. This is our honeymoon."

With that Elsie turned and stormed into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

As Charles got up to follow after her a slight knock came from the bedroom door.

Charles opened it to find a room service cart with a note from Lord Grantham and a bottle of champagne.

Horrified again he pulled the cart into the room.

"Elsie, please come out." He called. After fifteen minutes with no response he begrudgingly left their hotel room, praying silently that he wasn't also leaving his marriage.

She stayed in the bathroom for almost an hour after he left. Afraid that at any moment he would return and see her tear stained cheeks. When finally she did emerge she was surprised to find the trolley with champagne in their room. It was a painful reminder of all the hope they'd for their honeymoon. Though now it all seemed to be going wrong. And so soon. She worried her bottom lip with her teeth as she contemplated going out to find him. She'd thrown him out, hadn't really told him when to return. Or even if he should return.

The thought sent a shiver down her spine. That it could all be over. That perhaps he was on a train back to Downton. That perhaps they had both failed at something they wanted so badly.

She knew then she couldn't just lay back and wait for the fates to decide her future. She needed to find her husband.

After almost two hours of scouring the boardwalk and the beach Elsie returned to their hotel room exhausted and on the brink of collapse.

With every step her heart broke a little more, with every silhouette that wasn't his she felt her spirit darkening. She was kicking herself for throwing him out. For yelling. For getting upset.

Near tears she walked back into the hotel room, the room where they had crossed the final barrier between husband and wife. Between man and woman.

Walking slowly into the room she gasped at the figure of her husband sat stock still on the bed, his hat in hands.

For a moment neither spoke. Each taking in the appearance of the other. She looked tired and sad, he simply looked distraught.

"I thought you had left." He said finally.

"Without my luggage?" She replied.

"I hadn't noticed." He said, indicating the undisturbed dresser across the room which contained all their belongings.

"And without my wedding dress?" She said.

"I thought you had left Scarborough without your husband, I was less concerned with the dress." He replied.

"I'm sorry I told you to go." She said.

"I'm sorry I ruined everything."

"You've not ruined everything."

"Havent I?" He asked, almost afraid to hope.

"But I do want to know why you were so uncomfortable before. I want to know why the opinions of two maids matters so much." She said moving to sit next to him on the bed.

"I don't know." He said simply.

"Well that isn't good enough Charles. Yesterday…yesterday was the most wonderful day of my life and last night…last night when we made love. It was…it was everything really. It was the most wonderful thing. To finally become one. I woke up this morning so incredibly happy and in love. I'd happily tell the King of England I'm in love. Everything felt perfect. Then we came back and you got so upset and suddenly…well…it felt like everything was tainted. Like you were ashamed. Ashamed of us, of what we had done. And suddenly this thing…this thing that I'd been so worried about, then found such joy in had become twisted and dirty. It broke my heart-"

"Oh Elsie!" He cried out, taking hold of her hands in his. Holding them gently to his chest.

"No, please, never let anything make you feel that way." He said frantically. "What we shared last night was perfection. It was the most wonderful, magical thing and I would never want anything to make you feel otherwise. I don't…I don't know exactly why I got so upset. I suppose…before I was the butler I was a footman, before that I was on the stage. I've heard how people talk about these types of things…how they talk about people and I just…I couldn't imagine having anyone talk about us the way I've heard others talk."

"It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks Charlie." She said, noting the smile on his face at the switch in his name. "All that matters is that we love each other and that we are happy, hm?"

"Yes. Can you forgive me?" He asked.

"Charlie, can you recall a time in the past twenty years when I haven't forgiven you?"

"No," he admitted with a smile, "though I can think of a number of occasions when I didn't deserve your forgiveness."

"Deserved or not you earned my love and that is all that matters right now." She stated, gently pressing her lips to his in a sweet kiss.


End file.
